wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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