Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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