If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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