mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
