I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
