the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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