The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
