hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
