so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
