he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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