so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
