Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
