So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
