I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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