I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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