And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
how does that bad decision feel?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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