I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
