somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
