i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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