He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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