so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
