Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
