That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
