so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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