haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
