i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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