I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
