I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
