So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
