like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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