Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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