Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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