Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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