remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
