So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
