she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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