you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
