Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
