How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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