I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
