y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
