Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
