I will die if light touches me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
