Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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