wrigley field is MILF paradise
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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