This girl is more easily done than said...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
