ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
