My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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