Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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