I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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