just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
