He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
