i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
last night I used snow as a chaser
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