I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Panties = found
Randomize
