she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
