I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
