i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
