please come you make the beer taste better
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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