Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
