Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
