Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
