When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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