I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
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ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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