How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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