i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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