I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
