we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
