I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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