you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I know her cup size but not her name....
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