Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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