i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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