I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
