So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
