I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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