He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
