He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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