I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
