Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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