No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
