i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
