did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
