we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
