I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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