Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
