i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
