i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
