Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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