I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
