I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
