I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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