The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
