I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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