You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
