The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
