I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
