i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
