i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
