Where did you get a picture of my penis
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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