I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
