i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
