im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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