So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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