I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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