im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
