I'm eating all of the evidence.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
