I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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