I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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