Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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