Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
