Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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