Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
