a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
