so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
