They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
