i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
