The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
