the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i now understand why vodka
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
